my life lost in love.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
at first i had so many things to say
but now they seem so inconsequential
who cares if i went out with my frens
who cares if i go clubbing
who cares about my daily life?
things are different
but almost the same
i'm the same
i told a story today to sharon
and maybe now she thinks im weird
i dun care what others think of me
but i dunno why
i care what she thinks of me
i dunno..
maybe cos she's so practical
i like her.
but i wont venture further than that.
it doesnt matter right?
what ppl think of you?
it only matters what you think of yourself
say it again and again
and then maybe u'll believe.
well good night now
take care
love
need to be up at 7 to run.
--insignificant lies--
2:45 am
oh, yah.. forgot
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
just to add on..
i finally met feli..
last sunday..
like after one WHOLE GOD DAMN YEAR!!!
hhahaha..
miss that girl like crazy..
we were out frm like 10.30 pm till like 5pm..
wanted to play pool..
but cldnt find a pool place that was open that late..
so we were like from bukit timah..
to town..
played dumb games at the macs..
then from thre strolled..
then esplanade..
and we just sat there..talking n taking dumb pics
and looking at ppl making out..haha..
it was really fun..
i missed her a lot..haha..
miss our hey days..
haha..
damn why am i always so busy with work!!!
urgh..
but it was nice in the cab goin back..
and seeing all this ppl going to work..
i was laughing sinisterly.haha..
anyways..
pictures!!!!
--insignificant lies--
10:35 pm
psychicdelic karma
i was so overly excited abt
writing abt seeing the psychic
but i think now maybe no need la..
i shall just keep it to myself.
dun wanna offend anybody.
but man the psychic was good..
real good!!
freaky in a way
but it really helped me clear my mind..
anyways L word realyl fucks.
spoiler alert...
DANA FUCKING DIES!
freak.
anyways..
my poor bette..
haiz..she's such a wonderful person
hate tina a lot now.
really really really hate her.
urgh...
she will end up breaking my bette's heart
yeah yeah.
karma we know..
bette deserves it i suppose..
but come on man..
hasnt she already suffered enough..
and my poor helena..
i really feel for her this season..
yeah she's an alpha female bitch..
but u and i both know
that i dig that..
i am an alpha female bitch..
bette is an alpha female bitch..
i love bitches..
ohk.
some of u might know what im talking abt..
bare with me.
if u want juicy gossip..
u aint gettin any tonight..
i realise.. that i really cant commit man..
to anything..
not just in a r/s
maybe thats why the psychic says im still looking
for direction..
i so am..
i've become like shane.. "i like you but i like a lot of ppl"
i'm a stud.
heehee..
--insignificant lies--
10:25 pm
continuation of last saturday 4/3/06
Thursday, March 09, 2006
hahha lets continue...
so anyways..one by one bubbled..
in the end only raihana available to come my place..
shag no car that night so she's lazy to
come down as well.
then she asked if we wanna go to bishan..
then hana was gonna go clubbing also..
so we were like ok la..
and i was desperate and planless..
so what did u expect right..
and yah yah.. i wanna see a certain someone..
whatever..
anyways...
we met at bishan..
me n hana were late as always..
haha then we went down to coffee bean
and then talked n chilled..
we're gonna go kayaking speed dating..
hahaha...
we're bored..
so yah hana had to leave..
so we walked her to the s-11
thats where zack was gonna pick her up..
then me n shag continued chatting while
she drank crysanthemum
and me my bandung
and i was chowing on pratha..as always..
late night pratha cravings..
but the pratha sucked..
so only ate half..
then after that...
chat and chat till it was 12 plus
=) haha..
and i missed my train!!!
as usual..
cab for me again..
sent shag back..
then i went home..
and slept..
hahhaa..
boring saturday night..
urgh...
im jittery abt sports day
cos everything is so last minute..
cant stand it..
my student whose name is also zack
is supposed to be the mascot
then last minute pulled out
he gave me some dumb excuse
but found out frm the mom
that actually he cried n cried
saying he didnt wanna go..
urgh..
totally embarrassed me..
cos he's from my class..
argh..
:(
haiz..
oh well..
better luck next time farah...
nights..
=)
--insignificant lies--
12:13 am
as expected.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
well all bubbled me..
as expected.
menyirap pun ader juga.
nasib aku tak masak.
haiz..
saturdays are so fucked up la.
serves me right.
shld have made other plans.
so shite...
oh well..see how the day pans out.
im not so in love with my clique now..
hehe
--insignificant lies--
7:54 pm
waiting for tonight
yay! yay!
they're coming my place tonight.
and now im bored sitting at home..
waiting for tonight..
and well..
haiz u know why im really waiting for tonight.
heehee.
im so nottie...
but im a flirt.
so what can i say.
i hope nobody bubbles me.
urgh.
worse thing to happen..
yucks..
already my
bestest gal pal, alifah
cant make it..
haha gonna miss one crazy laughter now cos of her..
alifah cartoon sia.
haiz..
im really gonna miss wdgrove when i leave.
i might just cry.
you know how i hate goodbyes.
and i hate drama even more.
but i might just cry.
serious.
i tot i'd never say it but i'll miss woodgrove.
but i think mainly its cos of my clique.
i love you guys.
in case u guys dunno.
(not that u guys read here anyways, but i'd
thought i'd express it anyhow.)
=)
--insignificant lies--
5:45 pm
i believe
Thursday, March 02, 2006
today i was damn pissed.
pissed with my class for all the shit
today was damn shit.
everything was fucking shit.
i feel like shit.
oh wellz.
im good.
im being paranoid now.
cos im not getting any reply.
and i dunno.
no proper talking for like the past
4 days.
cept maybe today a bit.
but other than that..
we didnt say anything.
so i tot something was wrong.
like freaking.
and i think i just got paranoid more.
and silly me for wanting to b brave.
i shld just stay away.
oh k..
from now on i solemnly swear to fucking
keep my fucking distance
i feel like cancelling saturday night now.
but i do want to chill with the girls.
im gonna be so sad when i leave wdgrove.
never tot i wld say that.
but i will be really really sad.
gonna miss the girls so much.
haiz..
fuck it la.
im wallowing.
but everything is bogging me down.
and being depressed suits me.
im not a happy person u know.
i try to take things easy but..
actually im an emotional person.
tho at the end of the day i use my head
but how i feel overall will be following my heart.
and i hate that.
wish i didnt feel anything.
cos im broken.
always have been.
and no one can love u..
till u learn to love urself.
haiz.
fuck again.
to everyone who cares abt me
just fucking leave me alone
i think thats the best option.
cos i'll screw it up anyways.
--insignificant lies--
11:32 pm
lick my crack
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
ok to the real mccoy.
im sad.
ok im not depressed.
cos i can still function.
i'm killing my lungs.
seriously.
i wish i could tell the whole world.
tell them that i'm torn and tattered.
that im suffocating.
but no one will understand why.
i cant even begin to tell anyone why.
but its just a feeling you know.
i start to stone now more than often.
i duno if its cos of all these feelings.
i dun think so.
its everything.
its hockey.
its her.
its my ex.
its my work.
its my LIFE!
fuck.
i duno what im doing.
i dunno what im saying anymore.
what i mean i dont know.
and the point im getting at is..??
dunno.
i hide my feelings well to the rest of the world.
but at this blog i want to breakdown.
i'm not solid.
im barely even standing.
hockey:can't even begin to say. my hatred for the game.
and all that it entails.
her:she does nothing. and i do nothing but knowing
and feeling for her.. and knowing i could not get
the same from her makes me want to slap myself.
not cos i cant get her. but cos i even liked her in
the first place.
what the fuck! i'm sickening myself out with my repeat performance.
its azlin all over again.
fuck!
my ex:b.. i know u read this.
u know how i feel about you.
you'll always be my best fren.
but im still sad over what u did.
over what i allowed to happen.
maybe i wasnt there enough. im sorry.
why is it so hard to get over you?
my work:too obvious to even mention.
and i have a lot of failures for english of the revision test
im stressed.
feel so lousy.
my life:FUCK IT!
-the end-
--insignificant lies--
2:52 am
feel jiwang.
just now filza mentioned about taman rashida utama
which got us talking abt this song by black rose
called penantian.
and us being us..we started singng down there in the staff room
of course ppl are pissed with us.
but what the fuck do we care man.
so here are the lyrics.
and i love this fucking song.
haha i dlded already!
PenantianDikamar ku menyepiHanya lilin menerangiBeginikah seksanyaHidup dalam penantianDitabir tirai malamAda insan kesepian, keseorangan...Dan setiap detik yang ku laluiSeluruh malam ku membisuTetap setia menantimuBayanganmu entah di manaMengapa harus kita ditemukanDi saat jiwaku keresahanApakah aku satu persinggahanMengubat rindu... oh...Kau dahagakan...Ku kehausan...Setitis rasaPada bayangan yang tak pasti... oh...Kau nyalakan perasaanMengukir kemesraanMungkinkah ada sinarBersama impiankuDah telah ku dugaSuasana keindahan seketikaAku tetap menanti muKau dahagakan...Ku kehausan...Setitik rasa... oh...Aku tenggelam...Kehampaan...Keseorangan...Mana sinaran ?...Terangilah hidupkuTak sanggup lagi... aku... sepi...
--insignificant lies--
2:47 am
